50 Hilarious Viral Tweets By Women Last Month

"Getting married in the really olden times was so nuts it was like bye mom bye dad see you guys literally never again. I’ll be two miles away." —@historicalfits

BuzzFeed Staff

All you need is love pic.twitter.com/fLI3pi301A

Two equally important activities.

On a date at my favourite restaurant - while my date was up I got chatting to the waiter and mentioned I like to bring dates here. He said "I’ve noticed. This one has brown hair! Bit of a change." 💀💀💀

gf tried to cancel her gym membership (we've moved) and the gym person was like "why? ur partner hasn't cancelled hers. she was in this morning. is everything ok?" like ok ms thirsty for gossip

This guy told me we matched in 2020 and I was like wait really? And then he said this : pic.twitter.com/o9w8yZHNWN

My dad left me what I thought was a ring in his will. It was kinda small and as I was trying to get it on my finger he goes "Oh. It's not a ring, it's your circumcision foreskin. We had it bronzed".

(CN milk for my fellow milk-averse folks, but the reason I can't watch ppl drink milk is my dad used to finish his cereal, walk his leftover milk bowl to the sink, fill it with HOT WATER and GARGLE IT and I had to listen to this every day of my childhood, it was fucking FOUL)

i told the bus driver he was hot when i got off the bus because life's short but now he's my driver on the way back too so turns out life is long

I’ve thought long and hard and I cannot imagine anything worse than this. pic.twitter.com/evPHLgM4B1

I told my husband I’m going to print off everything for my online class because I’m having trouble keeping it all organized when it's just online, and he asked if I wanted a bowl of Werther's. 😩

Can we please get some older Celebrities to say shocking but excellent things instead of just announcing they’re horrible? Can Dame Judy Dench to be like "pegging is an essential part of a happy marriage"

kinda miss babysitting sometimes… the last little girl i took care of used to force me to make tik toks with her and then cyberbully me pic.twitter.com/15VrDg5b7g

i’ve had sex with one british guy and he went "ooo that's lovely" the whole fuckin time https://t.co/poJ5CjAeRo

my friend once went to the hospital for alcohol poisoning and he came back to our dorm the next morning still drunk bragging about how he got the nurses number. so we all called bullshit and asked him to show us and he pulled up her contact and the number was just "8"

When my 2yo doesn't want to talk anymore, she ends the conversation with "happy birthday" and walks away waving bye.

the taylor swift matty healy thing is already funny bc you know when it's all over and we get the inevitable breakup song it's gonna be like london rain, windowpane, im insane ....you were saying slurs in the cafe but i still Loved You

Greta Gerwig getting her former Barnard classmate Kate McKinnon to hold up a Birkenstock in Barbie is the most lesbian thing I have ever seen pic.twitter.com/jjN1CgSytD

Once, my mom's friend Linda saw that I'd put ginger in her apple pie recipe and she messaged me on Facebook to say, "I see you slutted up my apple pie." And I think about that comment a lot.

You know that joke about black people always running whenever they see someone else running? My mom told me that she saw my cat running like a bat out of hell across the living room and was like "I was about to get up and run too, damn." 😭 she don't know about zoomies.

remember when daredevil, who is blind, watched his girlfriend sleep, with his eyes, which are blind pic.twitter.com/R3imNnoj9a

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my pocket.

every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know

17 year old girls on tik tok: me and my friends have been wearing a lot of off white and light brown :) maybe with some silver jewelry :) we love being vanilla cold brew girls :) 32 year old men on twitter reposting a screenshot of the video: has civilization gone to far

dad trying to soften the blow of everyone having to pay for their own Netflix now pic.twitter.com/4E9Ku5Uk4T

there should be like a second horn on your car for when the light is green and the person in front of you isn't going bc they're on their phone but you're not like mad about it. hi bestie i love you beep beep it's driving time

love old American movies’ visual language where it's trying to show ‘this guy's lost it! he's crazy! he's totally out of control and might do anything’ and it's a totally normal guy wearing a three piece suit except he has one lock of hair out of place and he's not wearing a hat

One thing they teach in nursing school is when your patient is being questioned by police, to step in with "that's enough for today, he needs to rest" right after he gives a key piece of information, but one sentence short of him telling the whole story.

I just accidentally uploaded this instead of my invoice on a company's invoicing portal and I can't delete it pic.twitter.com/Bxg8RRy4ha

My girlfriend is wearing snap pants to bed so I assume at 3am "y’all ready for this" is gonna blare through the bedroom and she's gonna sprint out a tunnel and hand a small ball to a child

i hate when adults say "tummy." im a grown up. it's my STOMACH that hurts because I had too many sweets without mothers permission

5yo; "Mommy, I think when I grow up, I might change my name to a grownup name because my name is a little kid's name. Maybe I’ll use my middle name. My name is such a baby name! I want a grown up name when I’m a grown up." Reader, his name is HARVEY.

my five year old texted me and I guess I didn't text back quickly enough pic.twitter.com/k5aBhqwoeL

If men don't wanna be tempted by seeing women in yoga pants, they should probably consider getting their eye or eyes gouged out as the Bible says.

the best part of starting a new job is all 4 of your grandparents are alive again.

Half the "rudest celeb I ever met" stories are like "this tv star threw a phone book at my head and called me a slur" and the other half are "I cornered a singer in the bathroom and he wouldn't make a TikTok for my niece!!!!!!"

Oh Buddy. You’ve done more than make them think about it. You’ve bonded them forever in a group text where one of them will share a wedding photo or promotion news and one of the others will say "i don't know, SMELLS LIKE FAILURE." And then they’ll all die laughing. pic.twitter.com/Di1M62gZuN

thinking about when i worked at the docs store and a man was trying on red boots and his wife was like "those call too much attention" and he looked disappointed so I said "everybody needs attention" and got stuck in a metaphysical taffy pull from the way they both looked at me

[at the mall]Me: nice rack My husband: keep your voice down Me: *staring at the Adidas in Foot Locker* what?

just loooove it when a cat that looks like it's wearing socks is named Socks. very straightforward, never gets old, always has that Jeni Se Qkwuouagh

drama in the school whatsapp chat! the PTA invited us all to a coronation party and one of the dads (who's a professor of colonial history) said eat my dick

miscommunication plots can be fun when it stems from the characters' inherent differences instead of uhh sorry bro that super loud train suddenly passed by when you were making that lifelong confession and i have a dentist appointment rn so i gtg tell me about it later tho

S U C C E S S I O N pic.twitter.com/TGp7mSRKUK

Newlyweds: What is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. Married 10 years: You’re sitting in the dog's spot.

The flight attendant informed me that a man from the back asked if he could sit in the empty seat next to me. She said "and before you answer, I took a picture of him for you to decide 😏"Black women helping Black women 🤝🏽

getting married in the really olden times was so nuts it was like bye mom bye dad see you guys literally never again. I’ll be two miles away

thinking about the guy who played BOB on "Twin Peaks" & how he was initially a set dresser... imagine showing up to work, wandering into a shot by accident & the boss is like "you are so scary & disgusting that this tv show is about you now"

you can tell she fucked all her friends husbands and doesn't have any left because a real friend would have burnt this top!!! https://t.co/vYMo6XwIWO

When a woman has her husband's last name, my first assumption is that they got married in their 20s. I feel like by your 30s, you’ve absolutely maxed out on paperwork.

I went to a podiatrist several months ago and his office just sent me their newsletter with a recipe for potato salad. I will be honest and say I do not think I am going to make it

Meal prepping is crucial for having quick and easy access to something i would rather die than eat

tv is such a powerful medium. The phrase ‘moderate to severe plaque psoriasis’ has been rattling around in my head since I was like four

i'll see your "live laugh love" sign and raise you an "ew, people" pic.twitter.com/1UvXKcnAqr

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